eloquence
i'm about to go under the knife next month. right now, the doctor's indirectly urging me to get married after i've healed. thing is, we already had the same chat six to seven years back. it was some time after she gave me my first major surgical procedure. then, i thought she was only kidding. however, when we met again earlier this year, she said she meant what she said then. i had to get married.
i never thought of marriage six years ago. i never thought of it last year even. it was never in my plans. i didn't imagine myself with my own family. nor did i see myself as a bride, i guess. now, with the upcoming operation in less than 3 weeks, i felt forced to ponder on it.
questions:
-what is the essence of a woman? whahahaha!!
-is my essence lessened if i choose not to rear a child?
-will it stopple my growth as a person in the long run if i sacrifice child bearing?
-will it turn me less of a contributing citizen to my nation? waw...yung level..iba..hehe
seriously, i didn't know the answer to these questions. but then, i see my friends with families of their own and it seems they've become fuller persons. guess the practice of caring for someone other than yourself brings out the higher being in you. maybe, what they have is not merely caring, maybe it's something more. heck, can't explain it, never been there. anyways, their offsprings are likely culprits/catalysts for these personal developments. makes one realize the gentle power these helpless creatures possess. like nudging childish adults into maturity, warming cold hearts to make some people more human...mmm...but then, this can only apply to some. there are still those who don't change even after having a child. those who would choose to give their kids away, or who would opt to run away, or those who would decide to turn cruel and brutal..yeah... i'm straying away from my point..me..and marriage..
going back...questions
-can i sacrifice having a family of my own in exchange for personal independence and belief in the zero population movement? mmm..
-can i afford/maintain/grow a family of my own?
-am i asking the right questions?
-am i even stable to think right now? i'm sleepy..
arrghh..i don't know..
thing is, i don't appreciate being forced into things. and pondering on marriage after not thinking about it all these years is just not my cup of tea. i also don't want to decide on things blanketed by fear. even if it's one that's coming from a doctor. i just...di ko alam..it's just something i haven't thought of. arrgghh...
USELESS.
i never thought of marriage six years ago. i never thought of it last year even. it was never in my plans. i didn't imagine myself with my own family. nor did i see myself as a bride, i guess. now, with the upcoming operation in less than 3 weeks, i felt forced to ponder on it.
questions:
-what is the essence of a woman? whahahaha!!
-is my essence lessened if i choose not to rear a child?
-will it stopple my growth as a person in the long run if i sacrifice child bearing?
-will it turn me less of a contributing citizen to my nation? waw...yung level..iba..hehe
seriously, i didn't know the answer to these questions. but then, i see my friends with families of their own and it seems they've become fuller persons. guess the practice of caring for someone other than yourself brings out the higher being in you. maybe, what they have is not merely caring, maybe it's something more. heck, can't explain it, never been there. anyways, their offsprings are likely culprits/catalysts for these personal developments. makes one realize the gentle power these helpless creatures possess. like nudging childish adults into maturity, warming cold hearts to make some people more human...mmm...but then, this can only apply to some. there are still those who don't change even after having a child. those who would choose to give their kids away, or who would opt to run away, or those who would decide to turn cruel and brutal..yeah... i'm straying away from my point..me..and marriage..
going back...questions
-can i sacrifice having a family of my own in exchange for personal independence and belief in the zero population movement? mmm..
-can i afford/maintain/grow a family of my own?
-am i asking the right questions?
-am i even stable to think right now? i'm sleepy..
arrghh..i don't know..
thing is, i don't appreciate being forced into things. and pondering on marriage after not thinking about it all these years is just not my cup of tea. i also don't want to decide on things blanketed by fear. even if it's one that's coming from a doctor. i just...di ko alam..it's just something i haven't thought of. arrgghh...
USELESS.
Labels: esoteric cogitations
posted by cath at 7:05 PM
3 Comments:
i wish you well my dearest friend...and i dont think you should be entertaining any other thoughts than your recovery and i strongly believe that you should be thinking that all things about getting married, rearing a child , having your own family is not about giving up things cath it is about extending yourself...having double, triple or even quadruple happiness...besides, nothing in life is simple
hey, same old kamote on top! thanks. that's new insight. i've always heard people mention of the need to sacrifice when making the leap. no one really mentions it eventually becoming an extension of one's being. or maybe it's a bit of both? di ko alam..hehe..tho guess, i'll have to take your word for it. :)
you should cath...you really should though being single does not make you less of a woman...having a child will surely take your womanhood to its nirvana!
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