next phase

and for some reason i'm starting not to miss you.

these are the moments i understand the core essence of time. these are the times i value absence, or in this case, the absence of communication. this is why i give space its high regard. this is why i love work. the combination of all helps one to move on.

however, some things would continue to get on my nerves. moments when you'd regularly harp on the subject of a 2yr old fling. or times when you'd provide me alternative realities other than those that i've actually experienced. or your lack of sensitivity during chats or short discussions after the incident. forgive me, i didn't know just talking with you could be that painful. and then, you not understanding why i needed the space. and finally, you telling me that what i felt then completely lacked logic and was impossible to happen. soab.

it was stopping short of saying that what i felt was a mistake. i've always considered feelings as amoral, neither right nor wrong. they just exist. you could've at least acknowledged them.

i must've made a mistake when i started to fancy you back early 2005.

predictably, now, i want to gauge. i want to know if it's still worth it. my mind tells me it should be. without a doubt. it does. it should. however, i know things won't be the way they were. i'd like them to be the way they were. but i know they won't. i'd want to analyze why, but i won't. i don't see the point.

my thoughts are a mess. i just know this is how i feel.

don't tell me otherwise.